Hi.
Today started as I had a nightmare where my best friend died (eaten by a dinosaur, but that's beside the point).
After that in my dream I felt a vivid array of sorrowful emotions, like emptiness and aimlessness. Some of the emotions were no doubt caused by (imaginary) death of someone close to you. Like the silencingly heavy burden somewhere between your throat and heart, and the numbness of it all. No one near to me has never died so I can only assume.
But some thoughts and emotions were all too familiar. Like the one where I ask myself: what can I do without the ones that mean to me the most?
I think the idea of being lost without friends is quite a universal one.
My view of the world, existence and humanity is based on a few keystones. Keystones like
"every human is inherently good",
"we should search and strive for truth and harmony"
"only one can truly save oneself",
"a mind should be filled with clarity and not blurred"
"true potential of one's humaneness is only found when with others".
Thus my inner world is not one concrete idea, but rather a web of multiple ones that somehow try to live in harmony with each other. I bet that's like it with most of us.
Some of the ideas are in conflict by nature: At the same time I truly think that we should be independent and autonomous, but also I realize that we can never be, that our need for others is as fundamental as our need to be free of others.
That dinosaur feeding friend of mine and I once had conversation that touched on similar themes. We thought about where we would like to be in future. She painted a life where she is a master of arts, her future filled with empty canvases, buckets brimming with paint and the will to fill the world with beauty and art.
I could not imagine at the time what I would do. I imagined for who I'd be doing it. I didn't know who she was, but she made me happy and gave me a reason to march forward through life's hardships.
My friend wondered this. "Is it not better to find happiness within oneself?", she asked. "If other people can make you happy, they can also make you unhappy. And your happiness should not dependent be on quirks of other people". She made a valid point.
I remember how I back then wished to go traveling around the globe. To find my place in this weird world, but more like a mental place. A home. A place in someone's arms, surrounded by caring eyes of friends.
Some time after that I found Buddhist ideas. I haven't been a good Buddhist recently, mind you, failing to find time to meditate, but I still value their thoughts highly. That all misery and pain in one's life is caused by craving.
And what's a greater craving than the craving to be loved as you are?
What causes more miserableness than the though that you are worthless? Like the Donald Duck comic where he wishes he never existed, as everyone would be better off that way.
What's a greater hole in one's soul than the one that can only be filled by love and care of other person?
What's greater strength than the one found in a group where you feel you belong?
Perhaps a man should be an island, an island of fortitude.
As Simon and Garfunkel have sung it:
"and rock feels no pain; and island never cries".
That I have tried to achieve since the age of ten. In the age of fifteen I realized how much I needed and wanted other people. Thus the conflict, the battle began. Where one part of me just wanted to be beyond the glass wall I once built between me and others.
For the last year so I thought I started to be above that. I felt no lonesomeness. Perhaps I had found a place of my own, one could hope.
But lately, I've felt alone.
Perhaps it's a battle never to be won. Perhaps we should just stand upright against the sea of emotional weight and gusts of hurt. When the world rages around you like a storm, and the night seems too dark too see past, we could just stand laconically in the midst of it.
Like an island.
J.
Another song from Bob.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fg-CIka1L4A
torstai 29. maaliskuuta 2012
keskiviikko 21. maaliskuuta 2012
About shooting our short film
Hello!
Last weekend we finished filming our short film. The process was a bit harder than I thought (even though I consider myself a realist) and I definitely learned something. Of course, there's stuff I'd like to have done better, but then again this is our first short film (not counting the silent one), so guess I'm still learning. But I'm still somewhat satisfied.
During the first day only we shot about 40% of the film. We were still a bit stiff and had some troubles with lighting, but thankfully we improved later.
That day's length was... well... it was too damn lengthy, okay? About 14 hours. We filmed our movie's longest scene and had to move to another set at the evening for another scene. We had one of our actors just for this day, and thus had to shoot all of his scenes that day, although that wasn't the plan. After all that we all were very tired, but had to wake up at 6 A.M. for another shooting session, as one of our actors had to leave early and we had to shoot all her scenes before that.
During the second day we still had slight troubles with lighting, but otherwise everything went better than the day before. A lengthy day, but not as unbearable as the first one.
During the third day we shot outside of the familiar apartment were we had shot almost all the earlier scenes. We moved to a local cafe before it opened, but failed to shoot everything we needed before customers began to rush in and ruin shots :P. Instead we decided to leave and film 4th day's scenes early.
During the fourth day we returned to the cafe and filmed all we needed to and re-filmed some earlier scenes. We shot the movie's first scene for last (we shot almost everything in reverse order, as it was easier to shave a beard than to wait for the main actor to grow one)
Everyday was shorter than the one before, picture quality was better and everything went smoother than it previously had. Except for relations, as we had some tension within our crew, but I can't talk about in detail in a public forum like this.
After every day we looked through the material we had filmed and investigated whether we had to re-film scenes. And usually we had to, but that was expected, as there's always something one fails to notice in the situation. Unfortunately there's also limitations on what can be re-filmed and what cannot as actors come and go, they alter their physical appearance (shave their beard, etc.), and the set transforms irreversibly.
I'm a perfectionist and I shot a few scenes again and again (up to 9 times, until I was satisfied or someone convinced me to stop). There were some scenes I wanted to shoot again, but unfortunately for the reasons stated above or because of lack of time, couldn't.
Equipment worked as it should have, and the time I spent practicing definitely didn't go to waste in that regard. There were many scenes we couldn't practice, but they went surprisingly well.
In the end, within 4 days we worked somewhere between 30-40 hours. We shot exactly 300 takes and material for about 40 GB. For that reason we shot SD instead of HD, as high definition would have required about six times more space, which we couldn't reasonably spare.
We filmed a lot more material than we'd need, but it's better that way, because few things are worse in the editing table than not having enough material to work with.
Unfortunately editing is not my job in this project. I'd like to, as I love editing, but no can do mister.
It's up to the editor now, but I think we filmed a decent flick.
Sorry if the text isn't as good as in previous posts, and I think I forgot a lot that I was supposed to mention, but I'm tired as I came from fitness boxing.
I'm not sure what I'll write about next time, but I have some ideas. Until then.
J.
Today I listened this song for a first time in a long while:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=modXbqbsAvs
Last weekend we finished filming our short film. The process was a bit harder than I thought (even though I consider myself a realist) and I definitely learned something. Of course, there's stuff I'd like to have done better, but then again this is our first short film (not counting the silent one), so guess I'm still learning. But I'm still somewhat satisfied.
During the first day only we shot about 40% of the film. We were still a bit stiff and had some troubles with lighting, but thankfully we improved later.
That day's length was... well... it was too damn lengthy, okay? About 14 hours. We filmed our movie's longest scene and had to move to another set at the evening for another scene. We had one of our actors just for this day, and thus had to shoot all of his scenes that day, although that wasn't the plan. After all that we all were very tired, but had to wake up at 6 A.M. for another shooting session, as one of our actors had to leave early and we had to shoot all her scenes before that.
During the second day we still had slight troubles with lighting, but otherwise everything went better than the day before. A lengthy day, but not as unbearable as the first one.
During the third day we shot outside of the familiar apartment were we had shot almost all the earlier scenes. We moved to a local cafe before it opened, but failed to shoot everything we needed before customers began to rush in and ruin shots :P. Instead we decided to leave and film 4th day's scenes early.
During the fourth day we returned to the cafe and filmed all we needed to and re-filmed some earlier scenes. We shot the movie's first scene for last (we shot almost everything in reverse order, as it was easier to shave a beard than to wait for the main actor to grow one)
Everyday was shorter than the one before, picture quality was better and everything went smoother than it previously had. Except for relations, as we had some tension within our crew, but I can't talk about in detail in a public forum like this.
After every day we looked through the material we had filmed and investigated whether we had to re-film scenes. And usually we had to, but that was expected, as there's always something one fails to notice in the situation. Unfortunately there's also limitations on what can be re-filmed and what cannot as actors come and go, they alter their physical appearance (shave their beard, etc.), and the set transforms irreversibly.
I'm a perfectionist and I shot a few scenes again and again (up to 9 times, until I was satisfied or someone convinced me to stop). There were some scenes I wanted to shoot again, but unfortunately for the reasons stated above or because of lack of time, couldn't.
Equipment worked as it should have, and the time I spent practicing definitely didn't go to waste in that regard. There were many scenes we couldn't practice, but they went surprisingly well.
In the end, within 4 days we worked somewhere between 30-40 hours. We shot exactly 300 takes and material for about 40 GB. For that reason we shot SD instead of HD, as high definition would have required about six times more space, which we couldn't reasonably spare.
We filmed a lot more material than we'd need, but it's better that way, because few things are worse in the editing table than not having enough material to work with.
Unfortunately editing is not my job in this project. I'd like to, as I love editing, but no can do mister.
It's up to the editor now, but I think we filmed a decent flick.
Sorry if the text isn't as good as in previous posts, and I think I forgot a lot that I was supposed to mention, but I'm tired as I came from fitness boxing.
I'm not sure what I'll write about next time, but I have some ideas. Until then.
J.
Today I listened this song for a first time in a long while:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=modXbqbsAvs
sunnuntai 11. maaliskuuta 2012
About my brand new home and our short film project (it continues!)
Howdy!
It's been a while. It's been a busy time in school, so I've been too tired to write anything comprehensible. I tried, though, but it grew and grew in length, and it's still a humongous monster in a desperate need of trimming and thus unpublishable. Perhaps sometime in the future...
Well, where does my time go?
A few weeks ago, just before my winter vacation, I moved to a new apartment. I ditched the student dormitory in favor of a apartment all my own. It's a bit further than my old one (5-8 minutes to school now, instead of 15 seconds. Still, not bad). Apartment is a lot bigger, but only 10 euros costlier. Right next to main street. I like it, but I'd like it more if it wouldn't be so messy as I've yet to unpack some of my stuff and haven't really found a place for them. My room at my parent's house is now completely empty as they brought all of my stuff here. All of my stuff. That means a lot of stuff. :P
I visited Netherlands! I went to see my sister there. Nice trip, but I'll talk about it more in some future entry. Possibly with pictures.
What takes most of my time, is, unsurprisingly school. Especially the short film project (which still travels with its working title, which roughly translates to "Then We Lived"). After a long pre-production phase, we finally start shooting next week! Exciting!
The storyboard phase was awfully arduous. Let me explain: It was useful and even required. But it took lots of man hours to do.
First version I did with PowerPoint. 150 pictures, all drawn with it. Very simple style.
The next version I photographed. It took several photo sessions with other crew members standing in for the actors. Perhaps 200 pics and 50 videos. Then we heard some feedback from our camera teacher and our screenwriting teacher, and I re-did about 30% of the storyboard. I had some trouble with finding a suitable program to arrange the photos with (and to write all the required info). I decided to use Celtx.
The final product was so enormous, that I couldn't send it to anyone via internet, even with all the zipping. I didn't have printer at the time and our school printers didn't support Celtx-format and I couldn't convert it to, let's say, PDF. I worked 6 hours, just to get the finished product out. In the end, we used memory stick and a friend's printer. The whole storyboard took at least 50 hours of work. A lot, I think.
We've been practicing for the last few weeks and I feel carefully hopeful.
All of my more innovative camera angles have worked well, though some of the scenes they featured in, got cut, and I have more confidence working with the camera (though I still tend to forget to measure the white balance so that the colors show correctly...). I've used gadgets like glide-cam and camera rig, successfully. We even improvised a snorri-cam!
We have the actors, we have the set. There's still a few areas where everything can go wrong, but let's hope for the best.
J.
My favorite song of theirs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBa9PJjqm0Q
It's been a while. It's been a busy time in school, so I've been too tired to write anything comprehensible. I tried, though, but it grew and grew in length, and it's still a humongous monster in a desperate need of trimming and thus unpublishable. Perhaps sometime in the future...
Well, where does my time go?
A few weeks ago, just before my winter vacation, I moved to a new apartment. I ditched the student dormitory in favor of a apartment all my own. It's a bit further than my old one (5-8 minutes to school now, instead of 15 seconds. Still, not bad). Apartment is a lot bigger, but only 10 euros costlier. Right next to main street. I like it, but I'd like it more if it wouldn't be so messy as I've yet to unpack some of my stuff and haven't really found a place for them. My room at my parent's house is now completely empty as they brought all of my stuff here. All of my stuff. That means a lot of stuff. :P
I visited Netherlands! I went to see my sister there. Nice trip, but I'll talk about it more in some future entry. Possibly with pictures.
What takes most of my time, is, unsurprisingly school. Especially the short film project (which still travels with its working title, which roughly translates to "Then We Lived"). After a long pre-production phase, we finally start shooting next week! Exciting!
The storyboard phase was awfully arduous. Let me explain: It was useful and even required. But it took lots of man hours to do.
First version I did with PowerPoint. 150 pictures, all drawn with it. Very simple style.
The next version I photographed. It took several photo sessions with other crew members standing in for the actors. Perhaps 200 pics and 50 videos. Then we heard some feedback from our camera teacher and our screenwriting teacher, and I re-did about 30% of the storyboard. I had some trouble with finding a suitable program to arrange the photos with (and to write all the required info). I decided to use Celtx.
The final product was so enormous, that I couldn't send it to anyone via internet, even with all the zipping. I didn't have printer at the time and our school printers didn't support Celtx-format and I couldn't convert it to, let's say, PDF. I worked 6 hours, just to get the finished product out. In the end, we used memory stick and a friend's printer. The whole storyboard took at least 50 hours of work. A lot, I think.
We've been practicing for the last few weeks and I feel carefully hopeful.
All of my more innovative camera angles have worked well, though some of the scenes they featured in, got cut, and I have more confidence working with the camera (though I still tend to forget to measure the white balance so that the colors show correctly...). I've used gadgets like glide-cam and camera rig, successfully. We even improvised a snorri-cam!
We have the actors, we have the set. There's still a few areas where everything can go wrong, but let's hope for the best.
J.
My favorite song of theirs:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBa9PJjqm0Q
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